The Notorious BGM

2003-09-15T21:01:00.000-07:00

A Quote from Maxim Magazine:

When Jewel came to the Grammys in a see-through dress, we forgave the straight-from-lifetime lyrics. Then she started thinking of herself as an "artist" and released a book of insufferable cat-box-liner poetry. Just when she couldn't sink any lower, she wiped her ass on a disc and sold it as her second album Spirit, with 14 completely identical pieces of tripe cowritten by Big Bird, Elmo, and the letter H. Jewel's career is now officially bust. But thanks for the mammaries.

I am in a bad mood, I thought posting this would cheer me up. We'll see. (Apparently, I am an airhead)

2003-08-24T20:40:00.000-07:00

I finished watching the first season Six Feet Under, now I can hardly wait to watch the second. Does anyone know if it is available on DVD? So I guess I will talk about me weekend. Ben came down and we made our own pizza's on the BBQ. One was meat and the other was chicken pesto... both excellent. We enjoyed them with a bottle of Wolfeblass yellow label on my deck surrounded by torches. After a joint and some pre drinks we went out to the Barking Frog. I really enjoyed the music but Ben didn't, so needless to say we didn't say too long. On Saturday we played Sony Play station in the morning and went to London in the afternoon and went to this festival called the taste of London, although Ben wouldn't taste anything. Saturday night we BBQ'd a trout. I marinated it in red wine and lemon juice and then covered it in the left over pesto sauce from the pizza. It was very tastey. Afterwards, we watched "About Schmidt". It was ok, but I fell asleep before the end. Today, we spent an enjoyable day at the beach in Port Stanley with Becky and her boyfriend Mike. All in all it was a good weekend, but I don't think it could have compared to the excitement of Buddies.
Looking forward to going back to school and visiting Ben in Waterloo. Hopefully we will be able to hit the bomber and meet up with lots of Waterloo friends.

2003-08-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

BE DESCREET!!! Dorissa gave me an elevated mohawk... Momma Rose told me I could move out at any time. Look at the pics under the pics section at he side menu. BTW, Becky if you are reading this, I want you to come to the Barking Frog with Ben and I on Fri night- I won't take no for an answer!!
So I had the weirdest dream last night and I have to tell someone. I dreamt that I was in pregnant, but I wasn't a woman, I was myself. I was at the hospital and my immediate family was there including my brother. I can feel this baby kicking inside of me wanting to come out. The contractions start getting closer and closer. I grip my stomach, clutching it feeling this new life inside of me just waiting to be discovered. So I go into labour and my water breaks, but instead of fluid coming out and splashing onto the floor, chunks of after birth start coming out of my mouth. And then, that's when I realize I don't have birth canel, or a vagina and I start panicking, thinking how the fuck is this kid going to get out. The the doctor explain to me that I have to have a c-section. The thought I being cut open scares the shit out of me (mostly because of the scaring) so I have to a bowel movement. I am sitting on the tiolet and I think, oh my god... what if I shit this kid out. So in mid flow I reach behind myself only to feel shit- surprise surprise. I pull back my hands and I am so repulsed and that slip off the tiolet and now I am covered in shit. The nurses come to my aid and clean me all up to go into surgery. But I think they are not going fast enough, because this kid wants out and I am afraid we are not going to make it. I am so afraid the baby will explode inside me or something. I am about to be put under and the doctor explains to me that I will only have a two inch scar under my navel. I can't believe that is all it will be. I wake from surgery and get up and look in the mirror. I am kinda bloated looking and I have huge stretch mark running virtically down from my rib cage across my hip to the top of my thigh, and there is a two inch horizontal scar beside it. There is no baby in site. I forget about the baby and I am just in awe of what I have been though. And then I woke up for real. FREAKY, EH?
So want to hear something freaky? This nuclear medicine technologist was telling me this supposed true story, which I believe could be true. So this Canadian tourist goes on a trip to Australia and goes out on a date with this girl. They have a few drinks and then he finds himself waking up in a bathtub covered in ice. There is a note beside taped to a phone beside him telling him to feel his back and to call for emergeny services. Why? Because he is now missing his kidney's. Apparently, there is a huge black market for organs and tourists are large prey. I definitely believe there is a black market for organs. The reason why the guy was put on ice was so he didn't die. He would have had to have been rushed to the hospital and immediately been put on dialysis. YIKES- careful when traveling.
Well, that is all for me. Good night

2003-08-18T18:53:00.000-07:00

I was so so sick this weekend. I got food poisoning from I steak- yikes. Okay, let me descride it to you. The steak was medium rare and it started to feel like a rock in my stomach about 30 minutes after I ate it. I went to bed at 10pm and woke up a 12, my stomach now feeling like a bag of bricks. I vomitted in the bathroom and it was so disgusting. I guess I didn't chew the steak very well because it came up in big bite sized chunks. The smell was so bad I thought I was going to pass out- but instead I vomitted again. I vomitted about 14 times that night between the hours of 12am and 7am. Once I vomitted, I was able to sleep for about 15 minutes before it felt like my stomach was being ripped apart again. Fun times. Although, I lost 5 lbs.

So before my ilness became me I purchased the movie Adaptation for a mere $14.99 and The first complete season of Six Feet Under for $40. I had never seen Six Feet Under, but heard only good things about it. Well, it is amazing! I absolutely love it!!!! For anyone who has seen it, my fave character is the Claire. Nate, and Kieth are also very very sexy- YUM

Ben is coming down to visit me for the first time this summer- I am very excited.

2003-08-09T22:26:00.000-07:00

Wow, it has been a long time. Firstly, I guess I should say that I had an amazing time last weekend at Shanley's cottage. There were bon fires, skinny dipping and beer!!! BTW, don't try baking mushrooms in brownies- it doesn't work : (

I went out with Nic on Thurs night and we had fun even though London wasn't too happening. My new fave bar is the Barking Frog. I love the music and the atmosphere. I just wish I could find someone who wants to go. Hopefully Nic will come down to London again.

I went out last night with my friend Cindy and we went to the Martini bar which sucked ass, and then to the Barking Frog, which was awesome. They played one of my fave songs- "I'm in Love with a man Nearly Twice My Age". Does anyone know the actual title or artist? Anyway, Cindy wanted to leave early and go dance at the gay bar. Too bad the gay bar in London sucks ass. The music sucked, it was filled with freaks and there was only one hot guy there. Can you believe it!?!

I had a brutal night at work tonight, I worked my ass off! But something really funny happened at the end of the night. I have a parking pass, but the girl who I was working with doesn't. I felt like being nice, so I told her that I would use my card to get out and then I would give to her, so she wouldn't have to buy a parking token. So my plan, which I thought was assumed was to get in my car drive out, stopp and walk back and give her the card. However, just as I leave the lot I hear this bang. I look back in my mirror to see that she has driven her mini van though the gate. WHAT WAS SHE THINKING!?!?!?

2003-08-06T21:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, I know I haven't posted anything in while, but I have been so busy. I promise good things to will come tomorrow as I will have lots to tell. However, I have to go to bed now. I just finished doing a 16hr shift on 4hrs of sleep. NIGHT!!

2003-07-26T21:20:00.000-07:00

The Heterosexual Man: Tonight I worked with this very hot straight boy named Evan. He is so nice. At dinner he bought me french fries and at break he shared his nachos with me (awwwwwwwe). Anyway, I am noting this experience because this is the first time that I have ever felt truly comfortable in the presence of a straight guy for a period of several hours. Of course, he doesn't know I am gay- but then who "doesn't" know I am gay? Flame, flame on- if you will. It was so nice, we were able to just talk and be open with each other. But not too open... I wonder if he would be as receptive to me if he knew I was gay? Sadly, probably not... but then again, am I not giving hetersexual men enough credit. Do we, or me, as gay men automatically asume hetersexuals to be our "menenemies"? And if this is the case, in the midst of all our gay drama we are promoting homophobia. What do you think?
Just some naught highlights: He betched and itched himself (alot) in front of me. And at break, while we were watching The Simpsons, he sat slouched with his hand resting underneath his scrubs and the waistband of his converse boxerbriefs. Oh so hot!! We were cleaning a room together very focused on the task at hand and I started day dreaming about how hot he was while I was working. I walked by him with this huge smile on my face and he saw me. He laughed and wanted to know what I was smiling about. He caught me off guard (I guess I thought I was invisible or something). I didn't even know what to say. I was dumbfounded, as I got not come up with an answer. I simply said I was thinking of something funny- but wouldn't tell him what it was. He smiled back at me and laughed and then mumbled, in a playful way, "fuck off" under his breadth. What must he have thought I was thinking of- I wonder if he knew it was him?
So I caved in yesterday and bought these diesel jeans I have been eyeing. Shame on me... to quote Mrs Rev. Love-Joy, "Think of the children, won't somebody please think of the children". Hahahaha- I wonder how many children I could have fed in a developing country....
In other news, it looks as though I may be going to Shanley's cottage for sure next weekend, as a fellow colleague agreed to take my shift. YAY ME!!!

2003-07-24T18:46:00.000-07:00

After a pilates session, I am feeling much better. Plus I got an extra shift tomorrow night and I may be going cottaging for the long weekend. YAY ME!!

2003-07-24T13:45:00.000-07:00

I am so depressed, I need to use my blog as an emotional outlet today to whine. Hope no one minds... I have no friends here and it is killing me. Can you believe I have a Friday night off and don't work until Sat afternoon, but I have nothing at all to do and no friends to got out with. Everything about my life is so depressing today. I am in a bitch iritable mood. I bought a pilates DVD today in hopes of trimming my midsection, but I can't even find the energy to start it. BLAHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh. I am restless and bored. I want to do something, but there is NOTHING to do. I HATE living at home and most of all I HATE THIS SHIT TOWN. I think I am going to go and take a nap.

2003-07-21T19:12:00.000-07:00

I am feeling so pumped. I justgot back form my first yoga class and it rocked. As soon as I walked in the instructor started playing Tori Amos and I knew I was home. My favourite position is the lotus. Well, that's about it. Sorry for such a boring blog... nothing much else happened today.

OH WAIT!!

I forgot to tell a funny story from the weekend. So it was Momma Rose's birthday yesterday and I had to get her a gift. So BC and I sashayed(sp?) -if you will- up to the Lancome counter at the Bay and asked for a girft certificate. This middle aged "wanna be" chic woman helps us. She says, "I am sorry we don't have Lancome gift certificates, we only have gift certificates for the Gay... I mean the Bay". Can you believe that I didn't piss my pants?!? Just about though... I just looked at BC and he looked at me and the tears started to well up.

BTW- Everyone has to go to Adam and Andy this week- it is so cute. You will know why I sent you after you read the first panel ; )
Word out- BG'

2003-07-20T19:11:00.000-07:00

I must apologize, as drugs + alcohol + BGM = embarassing consequences. I was looking so forward to Dan's b-day bash. The night started out well with a stop to the liquor store to pick up the drink of choice which happened to be Tabu... and what a tabu it turned out to be. So I get to Dan's party, start to socialize and meet a literate person who actually had read some of the same books as I have. Our conversation started out great, but then as more drinks were had and more joints passed, what was itellectually stimulating turned into an incoherent mess. I was loud abnoxious and annoying. On my third Tabu, I came to my senses and did myself and everyone else a favour and poured it down the drain. Only 2 seconds later I found myself passed out on Dan's bed. Sadly, I was physically unable to continue the evening with all my loved ones at Ren. Here's hoping everyone still had a good time without BG'...
I felt like poo today. However, it was a nice day for a hangover. I enjoyed my recovery having the Duke's Big Breakfest with three meats (to make up for all the meat I missed out on). We spent the afternoon watching Jackass at Dan's with Momma 'E', Alison, Jill (I love you) and some others. The Johnny Knoxville is so damn hot, he can be forgiven for being such as jackass. So, the day ended with a sad dinner at Wendy's where we enjoyed our burgers amongst the obese. I said good bye to my momma and BC for a sad and lonely drive home where Jumbo's ass awaited me. I am off to bed now to bed my much needed rest for disposing of ripe diapers at the hospital tomorrow.
Word Out- BGM

2003-07-18T14:08:00.000-07:00

Fun Fact: According Sandra Pittana, fashion guru to Cityline (and our very own Marlyn Dennis) it takes about an hour to do a wash on a cheap pair of jeans, such as Levis or Mavi. However, it takes 6 hours to do a wash for a pair of Diesel jeans- which are made by hand. Today's fashion friday was all about high end jeans. Thanks Sandra!!

2003-07-17T10:35:00.000-07:00

I just finished doing an intense abominal work out with Momma Rose. We are going to work on our abs everyday together. We are also going to start taking protien powder together. WE ROCK!!

2003-07-16T22:48:00.000-07:00

OMG- Adam's name was pink and now it's not.. what is going on?!?!?!

2003-07-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Charlie's Angels and I am pumped. Those are some fine bitches. Demi Moore has bought herself some nice hoots. All I have to say is a want to go to the gym!! So you may have noticed there are some new modifications to my blog. If you look to the right you can see what kind of mood I am in. There are also some links to other blogs. However, this is just begining- a lot of kinks need to be worked out. For example, I have no idea why Adam's name is pink... the colour pink was supposed to be for something else on the page. Needless to say a lot of work needs to be done to make this page bitch'n. I am very proud of myself for remembering all the way back to first year CS, that is how I figured out the html coding. Hopefully by the end of the day things will be a bit more aesthetically pleasing. Word out for now.

2003-07-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

My Weekend in a nutshell:

Sat: I worked from 10-6. I worked with the wildest girl ever. She is 34 and a definite future cougar- already making out with boys in her 20's behind her husband's back YIKES
Sat night, I drove up to the Hill to see my little BC we enjoyed a joint outside in front of the Chiminea and a bottle of Wolf Blass Yellow Lable (of course).

"She kissed Griff on the nape of his neck and went to the dining-room for a bottle of Wolf Blass Yellow Lable, an Australian wine that was her favourite drink in the world" Timothy Findley, Spadework.

Upon getting totally shitfaced we went to bed only to awake for noon the next day. I did a little errand running and had to stop at Holt's of course before we went off the the Toronto Isands, where we rollerbladed and walked along the nude beach. We stopped to take in the nude volley-ball and then left for dinner. I had Jerked spareribs which had my mouth of fire (later the next morning (5am) my ass was also on fire). We got home from the islands and smoked a bong and watched Sex and the City.
Today: I stopped in the 'loo to go to my favourite used bookstore (where I am quite renowned for my Findley searches) and picked up a to be closely treasured hardcover 1st of edition of Not Wanted on the Voyage (YESSS!!!!!)
I ran into Anna, who is a stressed out little starbucker trying to make time for her studies. I can imagine it must be hard to concentrate living under RachAL. I also had to opportunity to take Adam to the grocery store. Seeing campus was definitely nostalgic (I miss it so much)
Looking forward to Dan's big bash next weekend :)

2003-07-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

The revised gay man's dictionary:
After Hours -- Where you go when bars are closed and you still haven't found someone to sleep with
Baggage -- the excuse people use to punish their current boyfriends for things that their past boyfriends have done to them.
BiCurious -- gay
Bisexual -- gay
Bitter -- what all gay men are destined to become. Caused by drama and stress (see below).
Bottom -- orientation preferred by 95% of the gay population.
Butch -- what gay men, who don't think they act gay, call themselves. Actual butch men will never need to use this term.
Cuddle -- sexual activity in which there is no exchange of bodily fluid.
Drama -- an imaginary condition made up by sad, lonely individuals with no real problems in their life who feel the need to drag stable, well-balanced individuals, who are trying to make a valuable contribution to society, down to their level in hopes of making themselves feel better.
Ex -- 1) anyone you've slept with more than once. 2) a club drug popular in the late 90's.
Excedrin -- what every gay men should have in his medicine cabinet.
Foam -- not sure anymore, as we haven't seen it in over a year.
Gaylights -- an unnatural highlighting of the hair that no straight man would be caught dead with.
Gurl -- the first word of every sentence. "Gurl, you 'bout ready to go?" or "Gurl, I haven't have sex in 3 days!"
Gym bunny -- a troll who has realized that his only chance of getting laid is to work out every day.
Hayyy -- a greeting. The gayer you are, the more Y's you put at the end.
Homewrecker -- the person who stole your ex.
Omaha Diet -- unnatural weight loss cause by non-prescription medications. Also known as Jenny Crank.
One Night Stand -- a very short-term relationship, the end of which is signified by someone putting on their pants.
Philson Sex -- sexual activity in which everybody wants to get off, but nobody does. Enables you to have a one night stand without actually becoming classified as a whore, yet still significantly more intensive than cuddling.
Rough Trade -- a one night stand that you will later pretend never happened.
Shot -- when you need to get drunker faster.
Stress -- a non-imaginary condition brought on by the drama of others
Top -- see Bottom
Trade -- what you bring home from the bar, paid for in services rendered.
Troll -- anyone older that you that wants you to go home with them.
Trick -- See Trade
Universe -- the area of space contained within a three-foot diameter of every gay man.
Versatile -- glorified Bottom (but will top if absolutely necessary)
Whore -- anyone who has more sex than you.

2003-07-10T18:22:00.000-07:00

Today was such a relaxing day. I woke up at 6am because my body is so used to it. I willed myself back to sleep. I have recently started sleeping naked and it feels great... you should try it. So I slept in until 11 am. I got up and conversed with Big, then talked to some friends on messenger. Smother disappeared for the day (thank god), but does that make up for the fact that right now, she is singing "Duke of Earl" as she trots up the stairs!?!?!
Before going to work I took a relaxing bubble bath filled with this cleansing milk I got from the body shop. I love dreary days when it rains and I have nothing to do. I didn't feel like going to work, I just wanted to put on some comfy pants, make chicken noodle soup and watch that crazy Marlyn Dennis on Cityline. God, I love that show. But it didn't quite happen that way.
Instead, I got to work only to be entertained by a fellow colleague whom can only be described as the essence of St. Thomas trash. She proceeded to tell me about how many borderline mentally delayed chicks her son has knocked up (6). The best story was how this woman went to visit one of the mothers to see one of her illegitimate grandchildren. The mother pays her parents to live above the garage.
So Rozz asked her "how much do you pay your parents to live here?"
Response: "ummm... let me see... five twenties, two tens and a five.
Rozz then asked, "that's a nice watch. How much did you pay for it?"
response: "I paid five "O" dot "O" "O"..."
The best quotable: "Gee, I wish I could read, I sure would love to read little Oceananus stories before bed. I want her to grow up to be a smart learner"
I wonder if she was born in the Wallsmart?!?!
If stories like that don't make a shift go by fast, I don't know what does.
Alas, my only downfall today was not willing myself to go to the gym : (

2003-07-09T19:14:00.000-07:00

First order of business: I have new pics posted, as well as a comment section.

So this woman comes up to me at the hospital today to joyously inform me that a nurse has a crush on me and that I am hot. YAY!!! Too bad they are both women. Arrrggg. Everyone thinks I am crazy for not going out with this girl. Of course I cannot out myself at work... there is way too much trash that works there. Besides this cougar practically throws herself at me everyday, and that is kinda fun because she is the first 47 yr old who doesn't do pilates that I find attractive.

Conversed with Mr. Big today- he tells me the sweetest things.

Adam questioned me today about the identity of Mr. Big today. The first person to ask... (I secretly love the attention... maybe not so secretly). I asked Adam if he likes David Gray, and he just happened to be listening to my fave David Gray CD. What a co-inky-dink!

Again Momma "e" was not there when I needed her the most today. I'm begining to wonder if I was adopted?!?!

Went to my kickboxing class tonight. It was a lot of fun, I am really getting the moves down. Watchout I may pull a J-Lo "enough" on someone ; )

Spontaneious thought: I have a flammy shell, but my yoke is all man : )

2003-07-08T19:03:00.000-07:00

Late entry: self-esteem shattering news. So I found out that this guy whom I made out with, only because I was super drunk and can't say no to people (I am such a nice person- Stacey Angel can I borrow your halo?), thinks I am "okay looking"- as in not good looking, just okay. FUCK! I hate it when guys I have absolutely no physical attraction to whatso ever reject me. If it would have been one of my latest crushes, I would have took the new positively, I a foot the door. Alas, I will creep back to world of okay looking misfits. All of you who are concerned by this entry and are about to call me right now to stop the suicide attempt, please remember my sarcastic asshole side ; )

2003-07-08T18:51:00.000-07:00

I just finished a cool 14 hour work day. Props out to me!! I am going to through some serious Momma "e" withdrawl :( Momma, Momma, Momma where are you? I tried to call your cell phone (to the tune of scoopy-doo of course).
So, I saw Mr. Big in his undies today. AHHHhhh.... DREAMY.... (sigh)
I haven't had a single social outlet today aside from work and of course a call from bearcub.
Where has the exciting life I used to lead gone? Memory: when I was in highschool, Isaac and I ( and of course his fag hag) would sit in the parking lot of the adult super store and wait for dirty men to come out with their porn and then chase them home. Yes, it was sad- but what else is there to do in St. Thomas?
One more embarassing confession (just because I like the attention): So I had this friend in high school- let's call her "Mindy". She was very promiscuous and would fuck guys in the various parks of St. Thomas, usually between 11pm and midnight. Well, one night Mindy ditched Isaac and I to go have random sex. We were kinda hurt, so we found the park she was at and phoned cops and said that there were people selling drugs in the park. We watched from an overpass as three cruisers came speeding up to Mindy's car with flood lights on. Of course she was caught in the act!!! Hehe, I used to be such a bad little flamer.
Momma still isn't answering her phone : (
Time for bed
Word out-
BGM

2003-07-07T20:31:00.000-07:00

This morning I don't know how I did it, but I managed to crawl out bed and get ready for another day of glorious day of hell- whoops I mean work ; ) Of course smother had my toast with peanut butter and my lunch sitting on the table all ready for me. Work turned out not to be so bad.
After having my feet worked on by my doctor I came home and had a converstation with my very own Mr. Big. HMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmm.... he makes my heart melt like butter.
Later that evening I was off to the Beanery to have dinner with an old friend Becky. We of course could not make it through an evening without talking of the infamous RachAl (pronounced Rachaaaaal) If you think the capital A looks demonic, well that is the point. Becky told me the funniest story:
Rachy-poo was sitting on her bed and Kevy-poo sat down beside her and said "oh Rachy-poo you are so wonderful and so special, I want you to have this... " At this point Kevy-poo reaches under the pillow and is about to pull out a... Of course Rachy-poo is thinking it's a ring and he is going to propose... "Rachy-poo I want you to have this BIBLE". RachAl says, "well I did want him to propose, but it is a nice Bible".
Of course I am retching now like you are I am sure. What a fucking twit!
After dinner, I came home to my braying smother and called my little bear cub. We of course could not make it through a conversation without a fight. We discovered that I am punishing him for having queeny friends. I am such an awful person. I generalize way too much.
Off to bed for another glorious day in hell.
nighty night ; )

2003-07-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

I will start by talking a bit about myself. My name is Mike, but my friends know me as BGM (Big Gay Mike). No, I am not fat. That's what everyone asks. I was born and raised in St. Thomas, ON. I am 23, and was born on January 21, 1980.
My interests in high school were fine art and drama. After high school I attended the University of Waterloo for three years. The first year I spent in fine art, the second in social work and the third in HR management. I left waterloo to study nursing at UWO. I am currently entering my second year.

Let's start with some current exciting events. My first exciting event of the summer was meeting Margaret Atwood. I went to her sold out reading at the Grande Theatre- alone of course which is kinda sad. I was one of four lucky people who got to ask her a question. I asked to talk about the significance of the peonies in Alias Grace (my fave Atwood book). After the reading she signed three of my hardcover books. Including Alais Grace, in which she wrote:
For Mike,
The peonies where there from the begining
Margaret Atwood.

My second exciting even was going to Pride. I had an amazing time and met some great new people. My fave event was Squirt.

Lastly, I got tickets to see Tori Amos at the Molson Ampitheatre for August 13th. I am very excited about that. This will be the 5th time I have seen her.

2003-07-05T19:21:00.000-07:00

This is my very first blog entry. I want to talk a bit about myself but unfortunately, it is past my bedtime. I will have to wait until tomorrow